originally published on bride.com
For the most part, wedding guests are simply happy to be a part of your big day. But it turns out they've got a few pet peeves when it comes to weddings. Here are five things guests hate most about weddings, from real wedding guests.
Delayed Receptions"I have been to my fair share of weddings and love being a part of their special days. But with that said, I absolutely hate delayed receptions—the ones where you get there and no beverages or food are served for more than an hour. Especially if children are invited, there should be activities to keep them busy or else you end up with a room full of hungry guests and bored kids running around." *—Crystal *
Lack of Planning"Every wedding I've attended has been a wonderful celebration filled with laughter, love, tears, and lots of dancing, which makes for a great party every time. But even though every one has been a blast, a couple weddings I've attended have had some rough starts, and the cause usually started with the planning—or lack of planning—that went into communicating with the guests. My one piece of advice as a guest is think about the best way to stay in communication with all of your guests as the wedding progresses, because something almost always changes last minute.
We as guests want to make sure we're bringing our A-games to your big day!" *—Jessica *
No Microphones at the Ceremony"I understand that a lot of guests look forward to weddings for the free food and booze. But not me. I'm in it for the ceremony. What can I say? I'm a big sap. So my biggest pet peeve as a wedding guest is when couples don't consider whether their guests can actually hear them during the ceremony. If you don't use a microphone, chances are we won't hear anything that's happening. And instead of sharing the moment along with you, we'll just be stuck twiddling our thumbs." —Anna
The Bride Venting About Her Wedding (At the Wedding)"I just went to a wedding in which the bride sat down at our table to say hello and just launched into this very long speech about how tough wedding planning was and how she wished she had just eloped. When she got up from our table and moved to the next, I heard her give the same spiel to another guest. I get that she was probably just stressed from it all and needed to vent. But as a guest, it made me feel pretty uncomfortable. Your wedding is a happy occasion, but it's pretty difficult to see it that way when you spend the whole reception complaining about how miserable it was to get there." *—Marianne *
Cash Bar"Cash bars. I understand that not everyone has the budget for an open, full bar. That's OK. But in that case, try to offer a limited bar, such as just beer and wine. Guests will really appreciate it—especially the ones who have traveled or had significant expenses in order to come to your wedding."
article originally posted on Brides.com
While not for the superstitious, first look wedding photos have been topping the list of wedding must-haves for many couples over the past few years. It's still entirely up to you whether or not you want to uphold the idea of not seeing your soon-to-be spouse until the ceremony, but—if these sweet snapshots are any indication—a first look is a beautiful way to start off your married life.
The instant a couple first locks eyes on their big day is incredibly romantic—whether or not it's done in private before you say "I do," or as you make your grand entrance into the ceremony. But while they may not be a time-honored custom, first look wedding photos have become something of a new tradition amongst modern couples who opt to see one another before the ceremony, resulting in heartwarming, tear-jerking photos.
On the fence about doing a first look? Firstly, seeing your partner before walking down the aisle is a great way to ease any pre-wedding jitters. And if you're concerned about your partner's expression being any less excited when they see you walking down the aisle to exchange vows, don't be. Chances are, your love will still get teary-eyed in the moments before they say "I do." And since they've already seen you in your wedding dress, they can appreciate the crystallizing realization that you two are about to become the two luckiest people in the world even more so.
article originally published by The Knot
Whether you're having an intimate 30-person gathering or a huge bash with 500 guests, you'll need a way to communicate with all of your wedding guests just in case plans go awry.
Perhaps your reception space was double-booked, or you've decided to push your ceremony back an hour to align with the sunset. You don't want to blast out the changes on social media (let's face it—you probably aren't inviting all of your Facebook followers, and your great-uncle Charlie hasn't ever touched a computer). If you want to spread the word—fast—to the right people, having a wedding day communication plan makes everything easier. Here are a few easy-to-follow tips to come up with one.
Think of a concise message your guests will understand quickly.
No need for a lengthy explanation of what happened. Keep your message to guests short and to the point. All they need to know is that plans have changed for some reason or another, and what they should do in the meantime.
Make sure your wedding website is accurate and up to date.
Your wedding website will get tons of views leading up to your wedding, because people misplace invitations or forget to bring them along when they're traveling. Make sure the main page of your site contains any new information guests should know and all addresses and times are accurate.
Assemble a group who can be trusted to start a phone (or text) tree.
You'll want to delegate this kind of a task to a few members from each side of the family, so it spreads evenly and no relatives are left in the dark—especially those who aren't likely to check your wedding website the day of, or ever. You'll also want to assign the task to a few friends on both sides of your wedding party to notify all nonrelatives. Once they start spreading the word via text or calling, and the people who heard from them spread it to everyone they know attending, word of mouth will have taken care of any snafu.
Use this handy trick.
Still worried you missed a couple people in getting the correct info out? No worries. Apart from telling your "How They Met" story and explaining where you're registered, one feature of our wedding website and guest list manager is to email every person on your guest list. You can choose to select guests one by one, depending on their RSVP, or you can select all. Simply add an email subject—something along the lines of "Please Read: Important Last-Minute Update to Our Wedding Schedule!" and write out a message to all your guests telling them of your change in plans. Phew, that was easy! You can also delegate this task to one of your bridesmaids or your parents if you're too busy getting ready or dealing with other last-minute details.
Remember that it's always better to be over-prepared.
The beautiful thing about having this type of plan in place is that it applies to so many last-minute changes. Does it look like rain? Follow the communication plan and let everyone know about your plan B scenario. Is there crazy traffic on one of the main routes to the reception hall? Send out your email. While we hope none of these things happen to you on the day of your celebration, it never hurts to be over-prepared.
Haven't set up your wedding website yet? See our latest designs here, and check out our guest list manager here if you need some help keeping track of your guests.
Wedding Ideas + EtiquetteCommunicationRelationshipsWedding WebsitePlanningGuest ListWedding Party
article originally published by The Knot
There's nothing better than having your parents around to lean on for their planning advice, emotional support and helping hands. While the "mother of bride" job title comes with a certain set of expected duties (which we've laid out for you below), your mom should be whatever source of help you need or that suits her strengths. If she's meticulously organized and loves to take the reigns, let her handle some logistics. Is she more laid back about the nuts and bolts but gifted with an eye for design and aesthetics? Tap her for style decisions and mood board input. You know your mom, and she knows you. For a traditional list of mother of the bride duties, read on.
1. Research and Scout Venues
The mother of the bride often helps the couple check out ceremony and reception sites. Whether she actually accompanies you on site tours or pitches in doing research, calling for quotes or asking friends and family for recommendations, it's up to you how hands on you'd like her to be in the venue hunt.
2. Act as a Point Person for Vendors
You and your partner are only two people (presumably with busy schedules), so the mother of the bride can be helpful by serving as either a main contact or just an extra point person for your wedding pros. This will be a godsend, especially if your wedding is taking place in your home town where she lives while you two live elsewhere.
3. Be Your Wedding Dress Confidante
Depending on how close you are with your mom, enlist her help on all things wedding dress or suit related. Can't bear to make a dress decision without her? Don't. Definitely bring her with you to trunk shows, bridal salons and fittings for her expert eye, good judgement and motherly nod of approval.
4. Take Charge of the Guest List (at Least Partly)
Of course, you and your partner should be the majority vote when it comes to your guest list—but the bride's mom can be super helpful by compiling and sending you all the names and addresses to be included on the master list. In addition, she can connect with your partner's family about who's on their list and manage the tricky task of limiting the number of guests, if necessary.
5. Give Input on the Ceremony Program
The mother of the bride is a great resource to tap for family, cultural or religious traditions to incorporate into the wedding ceremony. If she feels strongly about having you include something in particular—be it an important heirloom or a significant unity ceremony—have her do some research and help you plan the best way to infuse it into the program.
6. Find a Look She Loves
Forget what you've heard about mother of the bride outfits. If she wants guidelines, let her know what you'd love to see her in or what would complement the rest of your wedding details and overall vibe. Other than that, she's free to find a gorgeous gown, suit or other style that makes her look and feel amazing. To be courteous, the mother of the bride should stick to traditional etiquette here: Get in touch with the in-laws to make sure they don't either clash or match exactly (although, if they do, everyone will survive—promise!).
7. Attend or Plan Prewedding Events
It's no longer a faux pas for the bride's side to host the shower (it used to be frowned upon because people thought it made the bride's family look greedy for gifts, but that's pretty much irrelevant now). So if your mom wants to throw you a shower, she absolutely should. The same goes for the engagement party and rehearsal dinner. At the very least, the mother of the bride should attend the shower.
8. Know What to Do and Where to Go at the Ceremony
Your mom can escort you down the aisle herself or with your father. In a Jewish ceremony, both parents often accompany the bride down the aisle. At Christian ceremonies, if the father of bride is processing with the bride, the mother of the bride can take her seat in the first pew directly before the ceremony. You can also make your mom part of the processional lineup, even if your dad is walking you down the aisle. The mother of the bride can process first before the wedding party, or follow the wedding party and come down before you.
9. Stand in the Receiving Line
This only applies if you're having a receiving line, of course. As a reception host, she should head up the line and greet/thank/hug guests as they arrive at the reception (or exit the ceremony).
10. Enjoy the Party
The mother of the bride sits at either parents' table, the head table with the couple or mix in with other immediate family or good friends. Chat with your partner and your parents about how you'd like to seat everyone for dinner. If you're doing a more formal first dance sequence, the mother of the bride typically shares a dance with both the father of the bride and your partner after the newlywed first dance.
11. Be Your Rock
The mother of the bride is just that—your mom. She's a well of wisdom, solid advice and emotional support, and her biggest job throughout the wedding planning process is to be the amazing mom she's been for you all along.
Getting married is a joyous occasion where two souls ceremoniously become one. However, it’s also a time marked by a lot of behind-the-scenes changes — like merging finances or finding a new place to live. While many folks plan for a last name swap, Charlie’s willing to bet that very few think about modifying their insurance coverage post nuptials.
Don’t worry, though. Your favorite penguin’s got everything you need to know to make sure you’re properly protected as a couple.
Let’s take a step back — if you’re already married, this is moot. But if you’re not, it may make sense to insure your big day. Even modest weddings can run you thousands, so a $200ish protection plan sounds like a wise move.
Your engagement and wedding rings are symbols of your enduring love — and likely cost a pretty penny. To protect against loss (no judgement here) or theft, it may make sense to buy some coverage. Often, jewelry insurance gets tacked on to an existing insurance policy, typically homeowners or renters. However, there are some insurers who issue specialty policies designed to safeguard your gems.
While the two of you may already have health insurance, it’s a good idea to reevaluate your policies when you get back from your honeymoon. Since getting married is considered a qualifying life event in the health insurance world, you can make changes outside of open enrollment. Therefore, if one of you has more affordable or more robust coverage options than the other, get with your respective human resources departments and make the switch!
Homeowners or Renters Insurance
If your dwelling isn’t insured yet, it’s prudent to protect your belongings and property that you share as a couple. If you have a mortgage, homeowners insurance is required and can be pricey. But, like anything else, shopping around will get you the best available deal. Renters insurance, while optional, is generally very affordable — so there’s really no reason not to have it.
Although it’s tough to think about, one of you could pass away unexpectedly. To protect your loved ones, it’s a smart move to buy a life insurance policy — or increase the amount of existing coverage. The funds can be used to pay off a mortgage or other debt, care for any dependents, and keep the surviving spouse financially afloat until they get back on their feet.
Your employer may offer life insurance as part of their benefits package. However, it’s important to realize that the coverage will likely end when your employment does and may not be adequate to meet your family’s needs. If either is the case, shop around for external policies to ensure continuous and ample protection.
Pro Tip: Check your beneficiaries on existing policies and update them as needed.
If you’re a two income household, you may want to purchase disability insurance. That way, if one of you becomes unable to work, the coverage can help fill in the income gap, allowing you to focus more on getting well than on being able to pay the bills.
If you’ve both got good driving records, getting on the same policy could save you big. Statistically, married people get into fewer accidents, so the insurer’s reduced risk potentially equates to a reduced rate for you. Don’t forget — if you both have a vehicle, many insurance companies will give you a multi-car discount as well.
When you say “I do”, insurance is probably the farthest thing from your mind. However, it’s now important for you to be protected as a couple, rather than as individuals. Getting your policies in order will give you peace of mind and can also save you money — so don’t delay!
Tell Charlie: Did you make any changes to your insurance when you got married?
original article published by hicharlie.com
As someone who has spent an inordinate amount of brain cells mulling over money, a well-known pillar of financial wellness is that you need to budget.
Here’s the thing: while budgeting is touted by many in the personal finance blogosphere as mission critical to getting your money ducks in a row, they don’t always work. Not for long, anyway. For every budget I’ve tried — the 50/30/20 budget, zero-sum budget, spreadsheet, and envelope system — I would start out gung-ho.
I’d meticulously track every purchase and expense, allocate my income into neat categories, and congratulate myself for creating such a pristine, beautifully put-together budget. It felt like magic, at least at first.
Fast forward to a few months’ time, and I’ve let my budget fall by the wayside. Why’s that? The reasons may stem from a number of reasons: feeling boxed-in from having too specific spending categories, lapsing into a cycle of shame followed by guilt for going over in X category, or from weaning interest.
Nix the traditional budget. Here’s what works instead:
Track Your Expenses
This is pretty essential. It’s hard to figure out a long-lasting approach to saving if you don’t know where your money is going. There’s no shortage of free money management apps out there to help you track your spending. After you have a good idea of how much your living expenses are and anywhere else your money is going, you can create a system.
Create a Money Flow System
Having a system for how you save and spend your money will keep things on autopilot. The less “mind time” and work it takes, the more likely you are to stay within your spending limits. Yes, this takes work. It’s not an overnight thing. But what about Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel frescoes? The Leaning Tower of Pisa? Your favorite craft beer? The good stuff takes time.
As a self-employed freelancer, I have both a business checking account and a personal checking account. At the end of each month, I’ll automatically transfer a set amount into my personal account for basic living expenses.
I mete out “buckets” of cash that are then transferred to two separate debit cards. There’s a set amount for discretionary expenses or things that change every month. (Think eating out, groceries, gas, etc.) I also allocate any extra cash toward my savings goals. For instance, I put set amounts toward emergencies, a splurge fund, and a vacation fund. I also save for a house when I can.
Why so complicated? After I’ve devised a money flow, it’s pretty much set and I can forget about it. I methodically check my balance and monitor transactions, but that’s it.
Automation is a godsend for a lazy money person — no shame. I automate as much as possible: savings goals, bills, and for a buffer fund in case my checking goes to zero. My bills are paid on time, and I make sure I sock some away some of my income towards retirement. If you’re new to automation, make sure you schedule your transfers so they hit a few days before or after you get paid. You’ll also want to keep an eye on things at first, just to make sure there aren’t any hiccups.
Create a Space for Guilt-Free Spending
Just like guilt-free afternoons binge-watching “Russian Doll” on Netflix while noshing on cronuts in your otherwise tame week of salads and cycling classes — you need breathing room to do whatever you please with some of your cash. This will prevent you from going hog wild and splurging. Create a separate savings account for some guilt-free spending. Or allow yourself to spend X of each paycheck on whatever you please. Of course, this is only after you’ve covered your living expenses and savings goals.
Have a Buffer
One of your friends decides to drop in unexpectedly for the weekend and you go on a pricey dinner date and night out. Sure, it’s fun times, but also cry-time for your wallet. You’ll want to have a bit of cushion in your budget for small, unexpected expenses. I like to keep a buffer of a few hundred bucks in my monthly budget, and you may need more or less.
Place Your Money on an Emotional Spectrum
Try putting your entire money situation — earning, spending, saving, and investing — on an emotional spectrum. What I mean by this is to think about the things you spend money on. What do you dislike spending money on?
For instance, maybe making payments on your student loans or credit card debt are things that make you groan or ask, “Whyyy?”
What are you neutral about? That could be utilities, rent, and gas for your car. And last, what types of spending and money goals bring you joy? Perhaps that’s when you get to go out for massages or buy hip clothes, or that subscription box of goodies that you look forward to receiving every month.
When you categorize your money on an emotional spectrum, it’ll help guide you toward what you want to minimize or nix altogether, and what you want to have or do more of. So if you detest paying off debt (which is more than likely) focus on crushing it as soon as possible. On the flipside, if you love investing in art, try to find ways to put more money into those areas of your life.
While budgeting doesn’t always work, creating different systems to make saving and spending as easy and painless as possible, does. What works for me may not work for you. That’s why it’s important to approach it as an experiment. Exploring new ways will help you find a strategy that jives best with you.
You're a week away from saying "I do"—and trust us, we know you're soready. But with seven days to go, there are a few seemingly small but important tasks that need to be checked off your list so they don't fall through the cracks. You don't want to be at the altar ready for your groom to break the glass and then realize that there's no glass, right?
1. Overcommunicate With Your VendorsTo make sure everyone is on the same page (so they don't need to call you or your point people on the day-of) call every single wedding vendor and confirm, then re-confirm each arrangement you have with them, including, but not limited to:
4. Schedule Any Beauty AppointmentsYour fingers will likely be texting all week, which makes it even more crucial to keep your nails fresh. Make any minor beauty appointments you want done that week. Think: a mani-pedi, waxing, massage, blowout and facial. This goes for your groom too—make sure his hair is trimmed and face is shaved (if that's the look he's after). Any experimental beauty treatments (like facial peels, lasering, hair coloring and drastic cuts) should be done a few months in advance, just in case they don't turn out as expected.
5. Arrange Help for Any Guests Who Need ItIf you have any ill or elderly guests coming to your wedding, it will be meaningful for them to know you're so glad they can attend. Show your love by making sure they have proper transportation to and from the airport and your wedding events and that they have a comfortable place to stay. You can ask family members, friends or attendants to help with any pick-ups and drop-offs.
6. Hand These Items OffGetting married also means having a lot of important things to distribute among your family and attendants.
8. Deliver Welcome BasketsWhether it's you or an attendant, deliver your welcome baskets for guests to the hotel concierge. Make a list of names, delivery instructions and any additional information you have to prevent any mix-ups.
What’s the difference between an event stylist and a wedding coordinator? We tapped a Maryland-based wedding planner for a rundown of every type of planning service you should know about (before you hire someone).
by Maggie Seaver
Think there’s only one type of wedding planner out there? Think again. From day-of coordinators to destination event designers, you have a wide range of pros and services to choose from to bring your celebration to life. If you’re overwhelmed by the abundance of vendor options, services, price points and unfamiliar terminology, relax—you’re in the right place. Here to clarify all your questions and offer helpful industry expertise is Danielle Couick, owner and principal planner of full-service event planning and design firm Magnolia Bluebird Design & Events based in Rockville, Maryland.
What are the various types of wedding planning pros a couple can choose to hire for their day?Planner: “This pro is organized, efficient, timely and logistically minded—budget development and tracking, timelines, floor plans, contracts, deadlines and production schedules are second nature to them,” Couick says. “They recommend, procure and manage your wedding team. They’re on-site from start to finish to coordinate and execute the logistics and all the finer details.”
Designer: “A designer is a creative, a dreamer, and aesthetics are their strength,” she says. “They see both big-picture and small details. They should listen to your needs and desires, assess the logistical parameters of your wedding, view your space and understand your ideal budget. They’ll develop a cohesive and stylish look, feel, mood and overall aesthetic of your wedding day in a realistic way.”
Event Stylist: “I find an event stylist’s point of view is that of a camera lens or magazine spread,” Couick says. “They can work independently or with your planner or designer to develop the overall aesthetic and create the mood of your wedding. On-site, an event stylist will style and stage your attire and accessories, invitation suite, tablescapes, props, bars and more for the most aesthetically pleasing photograph or guest experience.”
Couick also stresses how important is to factor in function along with style. “Just because it looks great in a photo doesn’t mean it’ll work realistically or logistically,” she says. If you’re set on hiring a stylist to stage those print-worthy shots, communicate this wish to your planner and photographer (and/or videographer. You might need to hire more shooters—or hire your photo team for an extra day—to capture both those styled detail shots and your organic real-life wedding moments. It’s a lot to snap in one day.
Coordinator or On-Site Event Manager: “This pro is organized and focused on logistics and will often step in closer to your wedding day (anywhere from four to eight weeks out). They review final vendor contracts; finalize day-of needs (such as your various details, payments due and gratuity distribution); schedule and conduct the final walk-through; finalize your day-of timeline, floor plans and guest count; manage your vendor team on-site; and execute both the wedding rehearsal and actual day,” she says.
How do types of services differ among various pros? And what’s the best way for a couple to decide if it’s the right fit?“As a planner and designer, I want to learn about you, your needs, goals and budget to determine if we (my company, our values, services, vision and skill set) are the right fit for you,” Couick says. “This should be mutual and true for the company you hire as well (you shouldn’t just hire a ‘yes man’). I’ve listed the five most common levels of planning service from least to most comprehensive.”
Styling ($–$$): “Consulting on the creation and design of the aesthetic and visuals of your wedding day or day-of details. Styling can be limited to full-scale creative design to on-site visual styling.”
Why you’d hire a stylist: “If you want to enhance your chances of having your wedding published. You obsess over the details. You want the extra-special finishing touches without the worry of making them happen.”
Month-of Coordination or Day-of Planning ($–$$): “Don't let the name fool you. Coordinating your wedding effectively and professionally requires experience, skill, time and some advanced planning, so month-of coordination usually starts four to eight weeks from your date,” she says. “You’ll plan and procure all your vendors, needs and details, then a coordinator steps in to finalize the outstanding elements, troubleshoot as necessary, manage your vendor team and execute your wedding rehearsal and wedding day.”
Why you’d hire a month-of coordinator: “Because you know the ship won’t steer itself on your wedding day. You want a pro to handle the details, troubleshoot any problems without you knowing and keep your timeline [flowing] for a stress-free and happy day.”
Partial Service—Two Ways ($$–$$$):1. You could hire a planner to tap them for vendor recs, but you would do the contacting, negotiating and managing. Your planner would be there to provide design support and on-site execution. “It feels like a win-win because you’ll get good referrals from a trusted source, plus your planner’s creative eye,” Couick says. “What it lacks is the professional, real-time guidance of someone managing and negotiating these elements on your behalf with big-picture focus.”
2. You could hire a planner to assist with coordinating a few, versus every, detail. “You get the professional support you need where you need it most, [but] it lacks a more cohesive bird's-eye view of your overall wedding,” Couick says.
Why you’d hire a partial planner: “You want a little more support beyond just your wedding day, and you know you need a pro to get you there.”
Full-Service ($$$–$$$$):“A full-service planner (also called a turnkey or bespoke planner) helps you plan everything from start to finish—for the wedding day only or for a weekend of events,” Couick says. “They help [craft your] budget, create and manage your planning timeline, recommend, procure and negotiate with vendors and review, facilitate and attend site selection and walk-throughs. They also help manage your guest list, timelines, floor plans, event design, etiquette and on-site management.”
Why you’d hiring a full-service planner: “You see the value in having a professional guide you through the process and handle all the details. You understand the myriad of moving parts, trust the process and know an experienced pro is the best way to plan wedding weekend without losing your mind.”
Destination ($$$–$$$$):“In addition to the full-service scope of planning, this pro can help you scout the perfect location, venue and vendors; support your guests with travel and accommodations; design trip itineraries; and navigate cultural differences, laws and regulations.”
Why you’d hire a destination planner: “Because getting married on a pristine shoreline or at a centuries-old manor across the pond is the most beautiful vision you can think of—but travel itineraries, customs, language and cultural barriers, and logistics for a weekend of events for your entire guest list is not. You want the entire experience to be as flawless as the wedding itself.”
Can one pro offer more than one type of service? “The short answer is yes—these roles are not mutually exclusive,” Couick says. “Planners can be designers, but not all designers are planners. Planners and designers can be stylists, but not all stylists are planners or designers. Planners can be coordinators, but not all coordinators are planners. Planners can be a designer, stylist and coordinator, but the reverse is not true.” We know it starts to sound a bit like a riddle—but all of this is due to the fact that the role of a planner is by nature a more comprehensive one than say, a stylist, whose services are very specific.
What are some common misconceptions couples have when looking for the right type of pro for their wedding?“Between Instagram and Pinterest, we live in a highly tailored and curated world—but remember, your wedding is real life, not a cropped studio shot,” Couick says. “Also, as the wedding market becomes more saturated with novice planners, designers, stylists and coordinators, I’m finding couples are buying into something that sounds good or checks the boxes, rather than relying on a trusted, experienced professional to guide and elevate their experience. There’s truth in the sayings ‘you get what you pay for’ and ‘time is money.’” So make sure you understand exactly what you’re getting.
This article originally posted on Brides.com
If it’s not your first time tying the knot, there are probably a number of questions running through your head. What can you do again? What should you do differently? And what just totally doesn’t fly? We asked our wedding experts to walk us through eight of the biggest questions that couples ask when planning a second wedding.
Whether it’s your first wedding and your partner’s second, vice versa, or you’ve both been down the aisle before, if one of you has previously tied the knot, there are definitely a few details that aren’t as cut and dry as they are the first time around. Thankfully, wedding planner Amy Nichols, owner of Amy Nichols Special Events, has first-hand experience to help guide you. “I just got married for the first time, but it was my now-husband’s second marriage. These are the big things we took into consideration as we planned our wedding,” Nichols says.
Is it alright to have a big wedding?
It depends! Says Nichols, “If you both previously had larger weddings, and they were less than five years ago, it might not really be appropriate to have a large wedding now. However, if it is one of your's first weddings, then it might be OK.” Ultimately, it is up to the two of you to choose how big or formal your second wedding might be. “One thing to be sensitive to is if there are children from the previous marriage,” Nichols adds. “If they're young or may be uncomfortable in a large wedding setting, this might be something to take into consideration. For my recent wedding, my husband had two tween/teenage sons from a previous marriage and we chose to have a smaller wedding. We both felt it would be ‘easier’ on the kids if it wasn’t a big, over-the-top affair.”
Can we have a religious ceremony?
“This is something you ultimately should decide together as a couple and with your clergy person,” says Nichols. “Every religion is different in terms of what is considered respectful and acceptable when it comes to second marriages.” Know that some faiths may be opposed to having a religious ceremony for your second marriage—and may not allow you to hold the wedding in a house of worship.
Can the bride wear white?“
Sure! It is her wedding day, and if a bride wants to wear white, she should be able to wear whatever she'd like,” Nichols states.
Can we have a wedding shower or bachelor/bachelorette parties?
This is a trickier one. “In my opinion, if it is the bride's first wedding, yes, you can have a shower or a bachelorette party. If it is the bride's second wedding, in theory she would already have many of the things ‘needed’ for starting adult life in your own home, such as pots and pans, etc.—which are some of the most common shower gifts,” Nichols explains. Of course, many couples choose to get new housewares to reflect their new relationship and marriage. “Feel our friends and family out on this one,” says Nichols. “If someone is offering to host a celebration for you and everyone is enthusiastic about the idea, it’s okay to have a shower. I just would recommend keeping the guest list on the smaller side.”
Nichols also wants brides who are marrying for the second time to know that some friends may opt to not buy a second shower gift—and may skip the wedding present, too—if they were there for the first wedding, and that is 100% okay on their part. “It’s also important to be sensitive to any female friends or relatives who have not gotten engaged or married yet,” Nichols continues. “It may sting a bit if you’re asking her to be a bridesmaid (again) or host a shower (again) when she hasn’t had her ‘turn’ yet.”
Should we invite our exes and their families?
In which instances?“Generally my advice would be no, unless situations are such that you are still very friendly and close with your former spouse and/or his or her family members,” says Nichols. “In the event that your second marriage is after the death of your previous spouse, I think inviting your deceased spouse’s family is a very nice gesture. Just know that it might be a hard situation for them, and that they may not attend.” Long story short, it depends on the nature of your relationship with your former spouse, as well as how long ago your previous marriage was. “For most couples, I think the answer here would be no,” Nichols concludes.
See More: How Real Brides Involved Their Children in the Wedding Ceremony
Can we have a registry?
You may have heard otherwise, but the answer is actually yes! “Even if you specify that you do not want gifts, there will still be family members or friends who want to buy you something to mark the occasion, so you might as well help them find something you’ll love and use,” Nichols says. “Focus on things you really need and want. If you’ve already established a home, skip the basics like bakeware or pots and pans. Use this as a time to select new china, new everyday dishes, or something else that is important to you.” Or you can go for an alternative registry, instead. “Sites like Zola allow you to register for experiences or larger-ticket items for ‘group gifting,’ and stores like REI and Home Depot also have registries.” So if you’re in the market for home improvement items or would love new gear for your camping honeymoon, think outside the big box stores!
We don’t need anything for our home—can we ask for money instead?“Whether it is your first wedding or your fourth, you should never ask for money,” says Nichols. “However, there are couples who truly only want to receive money. The best way to get this message across would be by word of mouth, or by using a cash fund registry site.”
Are there any wedding traditions we should skip?
This is totally up to you. “Some traditions might be really important to you, like toasts and a first dance,” Nichols says. “Others might feel trite, like a bouquet or garter toss. Include the traditions that feel meaningful to you, and skip the rest.”
This article was originally published at HiCharlie.com
We’ve come a long way since the Mad Men-esque era of the 50s and 60s, when financial security for women came exclusively in the form of a man.
At least that’s according to the findings of a new survey from Charlie. We surveyed 533 single (defined as never married) women ages 18 to 40 in to find out how they think about finances when it comes to finding “the one.” According to the results, women are waiting until well into their relationships to have the “money talk.” If they don’t like what they hear, bad news: most women view potential beaus or belles with a large amount of debt as more of a liability, than an anchor. The majority of single women these days don’t believe that marriage is necessarily the ticket to financial stability. But to understand where we’re at now, it’s important to take a look at where we came from.
A Brief History of Women’s Financial Rights
Back in the “good old days,” our grandmothers had little choice but to attach themselves to a man — for better or for worse — in order to gain financial security. Not surprisingly, these unions weren’t always the most compatible. Oftentimes, men controlled the paycheck and the checkbook, and that in turn controlled the women they supported.
Thankfully, things have changed over the years due to hard work from civil rights activists. Sweeping changes were made to make things fairer for everyone, including people of different races, religions, nationalities, ages, and — gender. Here are a few milestones:
Women are More Reluctant to Marry Debtors
One of the biggest standout statistics from our survey was that 58% of single women would be hesitant to marry a partner with a lot of debt.
Given the massive increase in student loan debt among college graduates these days, that’s a tough prospect. Take the graduates of the class of 2017, for example. Among students who had to take out loans (about two-thirds), the average debt burden after graduating was $28,650, according to The Institute for College Access and Success. And that’s before you add on credit card, mortgage, or other debt.
An important factor here is debt-to-income ratio. A doctor, for example, may pop out on the other side of med school with six-figure debt, but he or she may also be able to make a six-figure salary right out of the gate. Someone with $100k worth of debt after studying underwater basket weaving, however, may be a different story. Similarly, it’s important to take into account what type of debt someone has. Did they take out a student loan with the aims of getting a high-paying job? Or did they take out a series of payday loans to pay for a bad gambling habit? Or do they have credit card debt from splurging on habits they can’t afford?
Context is important and can help women suss out potential marriage partners who may still be very financially-responsible despite carrying a large amount of debt.
Women Don’t Like Having “The Talk” Early On In a Relationship
Understandably, learning the finer points someone’s debt situation can be a little tricky , even if it is important. We have so many emotions and tensions surrounding finances, and for good reason. Few of us were taught good skills and behavioral habits for managing our money, and even fewer of us were raised having open and healthy conversations about finances.
That’s why it’s no wonder that many women prefer to have the money talk later on in their relationship, once they’ve developed a lot of trust with their partner. In fact, according to our survey,
48% of single women said finances should only be discussed at all in a serious relationship.
Discussing finances early can save a lot of heartache later on. Some things may be easy to spot early on, like a penchant for buying pricey gifts on every date despite your beau (or belle) driving a beater. But other things, like past bankruptcies or foreclosures, are more difficult to catch.
The only way to know is by opening up and having a conversation about what’s important to you. After all, many people list whether they’re interested in kids, overseas travel, or expensive hobbies in their dating profiles. Yet, 74% of single women specifically would not want to see financial measuring sticks like credit scores or student loan debt in dating profiles.
Most Women Don’t See Marriage As The Ticket to Financial Stability
We know women don’t necessarily want to tie themselves down to a heavily-indebted spouse. And we also know women can do (virtually) all of the same things as men, like renting an apartment, having a meaningful career, travel, opening a bank account, or buying a house.
These two factors combined have led to a grand conclusion:
66% of single women don’t see marriage as the only path to financial security. And that’s a good thing.
There are so many things that can happen by putting all of your financial eggs in one basket. Your marriage could (sadly) end in divorce. Your spouse could develop new bad financial habits. Plus, it’s no secret that pensions are becoming a dying breed, making it more important than ever for everyone — men and women — to save for their own retirement.
Whether you’re currently married or not, it’s important for everyone to retain some semblance of financial independence. You can do this by considering a prenuptial agreementor considering whether combined — or separate — finances are right for you. Some experts even advise each spouse — even stay-at-home-moms — to keep a separate “freedom fund” to kick-start their newly-single life in case it’s ever called upon. The last thing you want is to be stuck in a relationship that’s not working because you can’t afford to leave.
Women’s Attitudes Towards Relationships and Money are Changing, and Often for the Better
It’s no secret that the relationship between money and marriage is changing, and for women this gives us insight on why they may be more hesitant to lock down a marriage partner. After all, if you can retain your own financial independence in a marriage, why else marry (or stay married) but for love? A lifetime of happiness — financial and otherwise — is something that we can definitely get on board with.
Crystal Vandegrift is a wedding photographer covering Virginia, D.C. NC and Maryland.
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